Golf Quotes Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five. ~Paul Harvey Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. ~Jim Bishop I've spent most of my life golfing .... the rest I've just wasted. ~Author Unknown When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. ~Author Unknown I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. ~Author Unknown They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken. ~Raymond Floyd My handicap? Woods and irons. ~Chris Codiroli The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top. ~Pete Dye I'm hitting the woods just great .... but having a terrible time getting out of them! ~Author Unknown I know I am getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators. ~Gerald Ford It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course. ~Hank Aaron The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. ~Ernest Hemingway Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~Jack Benny Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards? ~Al Boliska The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. ~Billy Graham Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing. ~Ben Hogan Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end. ~Chuck Hogan If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~Jack Lemmon I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play. ~Joe E. Lewis It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. ~Mark Twain Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. ~Harry Vardon Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose. ~Woodrow Wilson A golfer's diet: Live on greens as much as possible. ~Author Unknown Gone golfin' ... be back dark thirty. ~Author Unknown Born to golf. Forced to work. ~Author Unknown My body is here, but my mind has already teed off. ~Author Unknown Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~Jimmy DeMaret May thy ball lie in green pastures ... and not in still waters. ~Author Unknown If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. ~Author Unknown The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. ~George Deukmejian Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. ~Author Unknown These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~ Sam Snead I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool. ~ George Brett Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that. ~ Jim Murray The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.. ~ Mickey Mantle Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them ~ Kevin Costner I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. ~ Brian Weis Swing hard in case you hit it. ~ Dan Marino My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. ~ Lord Robertson Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~ Jack Benny There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground. ~ Ben Hogan Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best ~ Jack Nicklaus The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law. ~ H G Wells I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course. ~ Billy Graham If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.. ~ Bob Hope While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. ~ Henny Youngman If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.. ~ Jack Lemmon You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.. ~ Lee Trevino I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced. ~ Lee Trevino  Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle , followed by a good bottle of beer. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins , on top of that , the winner buys the drinks . Golf is harder than baseball . In Golf , you have to play your foul balls . If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain , the snow , even during a hurricane , here's a valuable tip ........ your life is in trouble . Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot ... The term ' mulligan ' is really a contraction of the phrase ' maul it again .' A ' gimme ' can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ...neither of whom can putt very well . An interesting thing about Golf is that no matter how badly you play , it is always possible to get worse ... Golf's a hard game to figure . One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it , hit into all the traps and miss every green . The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink . If your best shots are the practice swing and the ' gimme putt ', you might wish to reconsider this game . Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you . Golf is like marriage , If you take yourself too seriously it won't work , and both are expensive . The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil . David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex...... #10... A below par performance is considered damn good. #09..... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers. #08... It's much easier to find the sweet spot. #07.. Foursomes are encouraged. #06... You can still make money doing it as a senior. #05.... Three times a day is possible. #04... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else. #03... If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day. #02... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished. And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex..... #01... When your equipment gets old you can replace it! |
Golf Quotes |